This weekend had been an eventful one with the start of a new honey-please project. Now I know you are scratching yourself and wondering just what exactly a “honey-please” might be. Well just sit yourself right back and let me 'splain it to you.
After a few years of blissful union, I came to a realization. You see, there are two separate lists our significant others keep with the detailed accuracy and acumen that would put a CPA to shame. These lists are the honey-do and the honey-please.
The honey-do is known by most married men and includes all the chores, auto repairs, home repairs, and various other sundry duties that fit into a domestic pairing. It is true that the lists vary in content about as much as our women do in personality and their men in capability. Hell, my great-grandma emptied her own spittoon as it was to heavy for Pappy. But the honey-please list is a horse of a different color.
The honey-pleases are things the Mrs. would love to have done around the home but don't need to be done. The honey-do line items are all things that need to be done sooner or later, but the little lady generally likes them done sooner. No, the honey-please list would include things like, “Wow, I sure would love to have a nice tile around the pool” or “You don't know how much I hate this old carpet. Hard wood floors would make this room really look nice.” Completing a honey-please request can bring you all sorts of benefits and yes, even time extensions on those eternal honey-dos. I need not go into what types of benefits. Use your imagination to come up with your own because I ain't telling you mine.
So the honey-please I started this weekend was replacing the tile in our bathroom shower. The existing tile was separating from the wall and “we” thought it would be nice to replace the tile with a more interesting color. While I was at it, I should go ahead and widen the entrance to the shower stall by removing a portion of the wall. Again, we thought it would give the appearance o a larger bathroom. I set to it this weekend, starting with the most enjoyable part of the process – demolition. With a sledge hammer (10 pounder of course), claw hammer, brick cutter and a drill all laid out and sparkling, I set the dust to flying. I knocked out the dry wall and tile where I wanted to widen the entrance and moved a stud over to the new edge of the opening for shoring. While nearing the end of the destruction phase, I hit a snag – Carpenter ants.
We had a minor invasion the previous month, but I had thought my search and destroy mission a complete success after spraying the perimeter of the house and giving a colony in an old oak the ant version of Agent Orange. After the treatment the few ants I saw in the house were dead ants. That is until I ripped off a section of shower wall that was secured to an exterior wall of the house. Out they came, the workers, the larger brood watchers, and their aerial brethren. I swiped the winged invaders to their death with all the rage of Kong. I stomped and kicked and cursed them all, but with little effect. I called in chemical support and treated the entire shower area and sealed the room with an evil grin. The next day the bathroom floor looked like an ant adaptation of the sacrificial burial ground in Apocalypto - where incidentally Mel got his Mayans and Aztecs confused. Well, the movie is filled with historical inaccuracies but it kept me interested. Where was I? Ah, the bathroom's minimal square footage and poor ventilation warranted an additional day to air out before I can finish the last portion of demo and move to the cement board installation phase.
Though the ants have slowed me down a bit, after a few beers reflection I figure it will all turn out for the good. Snags mean more trouble, which means more credit with the Mrs.. Silver lining my friend, silver lining.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Set Ups, Snakes, and Bunny Rabbits
Last week while chatting with my amigo Dave, he asked me for my opinions on Marc MacYoung's books. I answered that I had read none of Mr. MacYoung's printed material, only that I was familiar with his website and the “Animal List” (both damn good by the way). Dave recommended the books without hesitation. Well I am one of those horses who doesn't mind taking a drink if someone goes to the trouble of leading me to a pond; so after saying our farewells I be-bopped over to my desk and went straight to Amazon to peruse the titles of Marc “Animal” MacYoung. I settled on two books and checked out. The wait began.
Pulling into the drive one Friday afternoon, I saw the small box, with a smile on the side, just outside the front door. I knew that all my weekend “penciled-ins” had just been erased. I made my way inside, put the box on the table, and greeted the family. As we caught up on the day's experiences, I nonchalantly made my way over the box with all the stealth of a 400 pound sumo in a hot pink mawashi. I happened to look up and see that I was getting, “The Look” from the Mrs.
“I just want to look, babe. I won't touch until you have finished your story.”
I ripped open the box and pulled out my two new friends, Cheap Shots, Ambushes, and Other Lessons and A Professional's Guide to Ending Violence Quickly. I flipped them over and read the backs of each as the Mrs. and I continued our conversation.
“You think that is funny?”
“Wha...? No, no, it was just this part about pogues and jungle gyms.” The glare I received told me I should step away from the books. The little voice inside my head became frighteningly loud, “Move Away!” I listened to that voice. Trouble only follows when I ignore it. I did not return to them until later that evening around 11:30.
Beer on the coaster (that's right, and it wasn't even a folded napkin this time but a real coaster)I threw my feet up on the coffee table and began to read Cheap Shots, Ambushes, and Other Lessons. The author had me hooked by page three of the introduction with his recommendation that I “crack a beer and sit back”. Beer raised in toast, I continued on. Four empties in as many hours later and I figured I should hit the hay. I finished my first read of the book the following evening. My impression of the first title is simply put – go and get it.
Marc MacYoung's style is such that he is sitting right there with you, adding to the empties pyramid, carrying on a conversation. This is no small feat when writing a how-to manuscript. His sense of humor only adds to feeling that he is one of your friends, letting you in on a few 'pearls of wisdom' that has kept him from becoming fertilizer.
This book will not teach you all the mechanics of how to throw a punch. Marc assumes that you either have training and/or are training in some form of martial art. Bastardizing one of his analogies -- he will not show you the operational characteristics of the tools themselves, but how the employ the tools you already have to reach a desired outcome – in this case, your living to fight another day. Get it? There may be parts of the book that you feel do not apply to you and that's O.K.. But there is something in this book that everyone can apply to their daily lives, even if they don't travel in the circles that the author has traveled. You know the adage, “Plan for the worst...”
I will warn you now, this book is not politically correct. You will find colorful metaphors throughout. That doesn't bother me at all, it lends the author an added feeling of 'no frills' honesty and besides – he talks like most of the folks I hang around. But if your panties are liable to get all bunched up, then I would recommend that you steer clear of this book. More is the pity; there are things written there that could save your life.
So go out and learn yourself something. I have to get back to learning how the pros do it.
Pulling into the drive one Friday afternoon, I saw the small box, with a smile on the side, just outside the front door. I knew that all my weekend “penciled-ins” had just been erased. I made my way inside, put the box on the table, and greeted the family. As we caught up on the day's experiences, I nonchalantly made my way over the box with all the stealth of a 400 pound sumo in a hot pink mawashi. I happened to look up and see that I was getting, “The Look” from the Mrs.
“I just want to look, babe. I won't touch until you have finished your story.”
I ripped open the box and pulled out my two new friends, Cheap Shots, Ambushes, and Other Lessons and A Professional's Guide to Ending Violence Quickly. I flipped them over and read the backs of each as the Mrs. and I continued our conversation.
“You think that is funny?”
“Wha...? No, no, it was just this part about pogues and jungle gyms.” The glare I received told me I should step away from the books. The little voice inside my head became frighteningly loud, “Move Away!” I listened to that voice. Trouble only follows when I ignore it. I did not return to them until later that evening around 11:30.
Beer on the coaster (that's right, and it wasn't even a folded napkin this time but a real coaster)I threw my feet up on the coffee table and began to read Cheap Shots, Ambushes, and Other Lessons. The author had me hooked by page three of the introduction with his recommendation that I “crack a beer and sit back”. Beer raised in toast, I continued on. Four empties in as many hours later and I figured I should hit the hay. I finished my first read of the book the following evening. My impression of the first title is simply put – go and get it.
Marc MacYoung's style is such that he is sitting right there with you, adding to the empties pyramid, carrying on a conversation. This is no small feat when writing a how-to manuscript. His sense of humor only adds to feeling that he is one of your friends, letting you in on a few 'pearls of wisdom' that has kept him from becoming fertilizer.
This book will not teach you all the mechanics of how to throw a punch. Marc assumes that you either have training and/or are training in some form of martial art. Bastardizing one of his analogies -- he will not show you the operational characteristics of the tools themselves, but how the employ the tools you already have to reach a desired outcome – in this case, your living to fight another day. Get it? There may be parts of the book that you feel do not apply to you and that's O.K.. But there is something in this book that everyone can apply to their daily lives, even if they don't travel in the circles that the author has traveled. You know the adage, “Plan for the worst...”
I will warn you now, this book is not politically correct. You will find colorful metaphors throughout. That doesn't bother me at all, it lends the author an added feeling of 'no frills' honesty and besides – he talks like most of the folks I hang around. But if your panties are liable to get all bunched up, then I would recommend that you steer clear of this book. More is the pity; there are things written there that could save your life.
So go out and learn yourself something. I have to get back to learning how the pros do it.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Nemo me impune lacesset
On May 9, 1754 old Ben Franklin pulled out his whittling knife and went to work on a wooden stamp that would become the first known political cartoon in an American newspaper. The stamp first appeared in the Pennsylvania Gazette and it depicted a snake cut into eight sections. Each of these eight sections represented one of the eight individual colonies. The snake was also shaped in such a fashion that the curves represented the northeastern coastline. The message was succinct – “Join or Die”.
Considering the current state of our education system, if you think that this had something to do with America's contention for independence from Great Britain, I would ask you to take a side trip over here and read a little about a war that went on from around1754-1763. After all, I didn't learn any of this while being indoctrinated, err I mean 'educated' in those hallowed halls we call the public school system. I did learn that you can talk someone into completing an electrical path for a welder using only their hands. But only if they're loaded and even then only once. Ah, but that is a story for another time. So go ahead and follow the link, I'll wait...
Good to see you back. We were talking about the snake that Mr. Franklin had carved and put to print in an effort to get the colonies to unify against France and her native allies in the French and Indian War. While there are many theories as to why he chose a snake, I think his thought process will be brought out in later years.
The symbol of the snake spread throughout the colonies and evolved in the few short years approaching the American Revolution. The snake shows up in a multitude of places and mediums. A notable appearance is made when Paul Revere adopts a snake fighting a dragon (representing Great Britain), in his newspaper The Massachusetts Spy.
Now we come to a letter signed, “An American Guesser” published in the Pennsylvania Journal on December 27, 1775. The author was later identified as none other than, you guessed it, Benjamin Franklin. Portion below:
[snip]
“I observed on one of the drums belonging to the marines now raising, there was painted a Rattle-Snake, with this modest motto under it, "Don't tread on me." As I know it is the custom to have some device on the arms of every country, I supposed this may have been intended for the arms of America; and as I have nothing to do with public affairs, and as my time is perfectly my own, in order to divert an idle hour, I sat down to guess what could have been intended by this uncommon device...”
[snip]
“I recollected that her eye excelled in brightness, that of any other animal, and that she has no eye-lids. She may therefore be esteemed an emblem of vigilance. She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage. As if anxious to prevent all pretensions of quarreling with her, the weapons with which nature has furnished her, she conceals in the roof of her mouth, so that, to those who are unacquainted with her, she appears to be a most defenseless animal; and even when those weapons are shown and extended for her defense, they appear weak and contemptible; but their wounds however small, are decisive and fatal. Conscious of this, she never wounds 'till she has generously given notice, even to her enemy, and cautioned him against the danger of treading on her.”
[snip]
“I confess I was wholly at a loss what to make of the rattles, 'till I went back and counted them and found them just thirteen, exactly the number of the Colonies united in America; and I recollected too that this was the only part of the Snake which increased in numbers.”
“Don't Tread on Me” inscribed below it on a Marine's drum? I guess jar-heads can come up with something on their own (wink). Actually it is unknown if the famous symbol originated from a stroke of ground-pounding creativity or if it was based on a design created by Christopher Gadsden.
Now I know you are shaking your head and asking me, “Now who in the hell is Christopher Gadsden and what is all this talk of Marines? You know the honor of the best branch of military belongs to the Navy.”
Yes my friend, you speak the truth in the latter and give me a moment, and I will answer the former.
You see, 1775 is when the Navy was created to intercept British ships carrying supplies to British troops in America and protect America's commerce. The first naval fleet would consist of four ships with the Alfred being the named first. The Continental Congress authorized the creation of five companies of Marines to accompany the Navy on their maiden mission.
Enter Christopher Gadsden, a Continental Colonel from South Carolina and one of the three members of the Marine committee responsible for getting the Navy underway. Before the sailors and Marines shoved off, Commodore Esek Hopkins (newly appointed commander-in-chief of America's Navy) received a standard bearing the “Don't Tread On Me” symbol, from Christopher Gadsden, to be used as his personal standard. Thus is became known as the Gadsden Flag.
The rattlesnake continued to appear throughout the colonies on money, in newspapers, and in many variations of flags, as America then had not made “Old Glory” the official flag. Notable standards containing the symbol were the Independent Battalion (Westmoreland County, PA), the Minutemen of Culpeper County VA, and the Continental Navy Jack.
You take fierce courage, whole-hearted independence, and a willingness to defend themselves and there you have it my friend -- a brief history on how one of my favorite symbols and what is represents came about.
Oh, and watch where you step.
Considering the current state of our education system, if you think that this had something to do with America's contention for independence from Great Britain, I would ask you to take a side trip over here and read a little about a war that went on from around1754-1763. After all, I didn't learn any of this while being indoctrinated, err I mean 'educated' in those hallowed halls we call the public school system. I did learn that you can talk someone into completing an electrical path for a welder using only their hands. But only if they're loaded and even then only once. Ah, but that is a story for another time. So go ahead and follow the link, I'll wait...
Good to see you back. We were talking about the snake that Mr. Franklin had carved and put to print in an effort to get the colonies to unify against France and her native allies in the French and Indian War. While there are many theories as to why he chose a snake, I think his thought process will be brought out in later years.
The symbol of the snake spread throughout the colonies and evolved in the few short years approaching the American Revolution. The snake shows up in a multitude of places and mediums. A notable appearance is made when Paul Revere adopts a snake fighting a dragon (representing Great Britain), in his newspaper The Massachusetts Spy.
Now we come to a letter signed, “An American Guesser” published in the Pennsylvania Journal on December 27, 1775. The author was later identified as none other than, you guessed it, Benjamin Franklin. Portion below:
[snip]
“I observed on one of the drums belonging to the marines now raising, there was painted a Rattle-Snake, with this modest motto under it, "Don't tread on me." As I know it is the custom to have some device on the arms of every country, I supposed this may have been intended for the arms of America; and as I have nothing to do with public affairs, and as my time is perfectly my own, in order to divert an idle hour, I sat down to guess what could have been intended by this uncommon device...”
[snip]
“I recollected that her eye excelled in brightness, that of any other animal, and that she has no eye-lids. She may therefore be esteemed an emblem of vigilance. She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage. As if anxious to prevent all pretensions of quarreling with her, the weapons with which nature has furnished her, she conceals in the roof of her mouth, so that, to those who are unacquainted with her, she appears to be a most defenseless animal; and even when those weapons are shown and extended for her defense, they appear weak and contemptible; but their wounds however small, are decisive and fatal. Conscious of this, she never wounds 'till she has generously given notice, even to her enemy, and cautioned him against the danger of treading on her.”
[snip]
“I confess I was wholly at a loss what to make of the rattles, 'till I went back and counted them and found them just thirteen, exactly the number of the Colonies united in America; and I recollected too that this was the only part of the Snake which increased in numbers.”
“Don't Tread on Me” inscribed below it on a Marine's drum? I guess jar-heads can come up with something on their own (wink). Actually it is unknown if the famous symbol originated from a stroke of ground-pounding creativity or if it was based on a design created by Christopher Gadsden.
Now I know you are shaking your head and asking me, “Now who in the hell is Christopher Gadsden and what is all this talk of Marines? You know the honor of the best branch of military belongs to the Navy.”
Yes my friend, you speak the truth in the latter and give me a moment, and I will answer the former.
You see, 1775 is when the Navy was created to intercept British ships carrying supplies to British troops in America and protect America's commerce. The first naval fleet would consist of four ships with the Alfred being the named first. The Continental Congress authorized the creation of five companies of Marines to accompany the Navy on their maiden mission.
Enter Christopher Gadsden, a Continental Colonel from South Carolina and one of the three members of the Marine committee responsible for getting the Navy underway. Before the sailors and Marines shoved off, Commodore Esek Hopkins (newly appointed commander-in-chief of America's Navy) received a standard bearing the “Don't Tread On Me” symbol, from Christopher Gadsden, to be used as his personal standard. Thus is became known as the Gadsden Flag.
The rattlesnake continued to appear throughout the colonies on money, in newspapers, and in many variations of flags, as America then had not made “Old Glory” the official flag. Notable standards containing the symbol were the Independent Battalion (Westmoreland County, PA), the Minutemen of Culpeper County VA, and the Continental Navy Jack.
You take fierce courage, whole-hearted independence, and a willingness to defend themselves and there you have it my friend -- a brief history on how one of my favorite symbols and what is represents came about.
Oh, and watch where you step.
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