Don't mess with Texas

Straight from an email I received, and copied directly to 10 Pounder, unedited (With the exception of changing "sh*t" to shit. I always thought that crazy and a piss poor attempt at politcally correct cursing which is complete B*ll Sh*t) This is for all the ladies out there who say I don't have a sensitive side...


This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you freaking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Somebody buy this woman a beer!

Universal Health Care Part I

When the reward for diligence is servitude, what will be the incentive to strive? When man's struggles for success are bought with blood, sweat and tears and he arrives at the finish line only to find a smiling jailer with shackles tailor-made for wrist and ankle, will he fall to his knees and shout with elation? Will he even start the race knowing what awaits him? When the juggernauts tire of persecution, who will push the millstone? When Peter quits, who exactly will Paul turn too?

Examples are plentiful, just pick up a paper and read what plans are being made to herald this and the next generation of Americans. Here is the example I chose to pick: Clinton May Garnish Wages to Achieve Universal Health Care.

I am going to take snippets of the article here, but you can read the entire article above.
Clinton on Sunday described universal health care as "a core Democratic value and a moral principle, and I'm absolutely going to do everything I can to achieve that."

Let's take a look at the statement above and determine what it means. First there is the statement that universal health care is a “core Democratic value”. Democracy (From demos and -cracy) is defined by my Little and Ives Complete Standard Universal Dictionary as – a. A form of government in which all classes, including the lowest, have a voice in government, directly or through their chosen representatives.

From the definition it is difficult to tie universal health care to the word democracy in a strict relationship. More likely Mrs. Clinton is artfully using a bit of verbal misdirection. The word democracy has been used synonymously and incorrectly, by most politicians regardless of the letters following their names, with “American Government”. If this is the case and Mrs. Clinton is using democracy as a substitution for “American Government” and calling universal health care one of its core values, it could easily be used as emotional ammunition if a logical line of questioning were introduced. This line of thought is further supported by the second part of her statement calling universal health care a “moral principle”. Therefore if universal health care is a core American value and a moral principle on top of that, dissenters can immediately be labeled as anti-American, morally bankrupt and dismissed out of hand. Or perhaps she really meant a core democratic value connected directly to her political affiliation and a “moral principle”, then by inference her political party's stance is moral, the opposition is not.

If we remove the middle portion of the statement, we are left with - universal health care is a moral principle...

And that my friend is a philosophical question that will have to wait because I am out of time.

Greek Comedy

As I was doing a bit of blog-surfing the other day, I came across a post from Ms. West (soon to be Mrs. Bean) and I just had to share. It is titled "Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)". Laugh when you read it, sit back and think on it and grab a box of tissues.